I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
