i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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