You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That reminds me...we need to get swords
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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