Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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