You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
