Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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