isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
