I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
