Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
