She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
