I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
