dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
