I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
