I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
