Yo dont text me then not text me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
