my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I came so hard my ears popped.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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