She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize