Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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