just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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