i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is Oprah even human
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
