remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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