i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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