My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
