i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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