Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
