I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
