worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
