i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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