Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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