Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
