So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
