We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
