I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
