i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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