Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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