rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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