I puked a lego.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
