My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
