Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
