so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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