Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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