false alarm. still invincible.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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