I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I could fuck to npr.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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