y did u give ur computer a hand job?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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