They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
