How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Soap is not a condiment
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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