bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
