Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
