I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
