Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
