I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
