Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
