there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
