You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
