I hate all girls vehemently.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
