I'm gonna have a badass scar
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
