thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
