Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
