Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
