I can tuck mytits in my pants
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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