just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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