I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize