I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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