Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize