He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
