maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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