Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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