You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
