I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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